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Memorial created 03-13-2007 by
Love and Memories
Sara Dawn deClercq Jankowski
July 20 1980 - February 14 2007

Happier Times...❤️

 

 A shadow of joy flickered; it is me. My memories, my thoughts are imbedded deep in your heart. I still love you. Do not for one moment think that you have been abandoned. I am in the Light. In the corner, in the hall, the car, the yard ~ these are the places I stay with you. My spirit rises every time you pray for me, but my energy comes closer to you. Love does not diminish; it grows stronger. I am the feather that finds you in the yard, the dimmed light that grows brighter in your mind, I place our memories for you to see. We lived in our special way, a way that now has its focus changed. I still crave your understanding and long for the many words of prayer and good fortune for my soul. I am in the Light. As you struggle to adjust without me, I watch silently. Sometimes I summon up all the strength of my new world to make you notice me. Impressed by your grief, I try to impress my love deeper into your consciousness. As you should, I call out to the Heavens for help. You should know that the fountain of youth does exist. My soul is now healthy. Your love sends me new found energy. I am adjusting to this new world. I am with you and I am in the Light. Please don't feel bad that you can't see me. I am with you wherever you go. I protect you, just as you protected me so many times. Talk to me and somehow I will find a way to answer you. Mother, Father, brother, it makes no difference. Aunt, Uncle, lover or husband, it makes no difference. Whatever our connection ~ friend or even foe ~ I see you with my new eyes. I am learning to help wherever you are, wherever I am needed. This can be done because I am in the Light. When you feel despair, reach out to me. I will come. My love for you truly does transcend from Heaven to Earth. Finish your life with the enthusiasm and zest that you had when we were together in the physical sense. You owe this to me, but more importantly, you owe it to yourself. Life continues for both of us. I am with you because I love you and I am in the Light.

 


One of Sara's Poems


This day is black

Though the sun is bright

Even though it's noon

It feels like night

 

My heart beats nothing

Though I'm still on earth

My heart beats slowly

I feel I am of no worth

 

My eyes aren't glowing

They are filled up with tears

My brains not functioning

For it contains too many fears

 

I breathe in slowly

To try to gain air

And realizing that my life

Was never even there

 

My stomach pains extremely

The hurt is growing strong

Yet the question I do ask myself

Is what have I done wrong?

 

early spring without you here....

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was thinking this morning, as a nurse of course, that grief is like an open wound healing by what is called secondary intention. It is where the wound is left open and has to heal from the inside out or else it won't heal. Sometimes it becomes infected and that slows the progress.
 Sometimes it closes and the inside is still not healed. You think it is....but, it really isn't and at some point it abscesses and spreads causing more problems than if it had been allowed to heal properly the first time. I thought this is how my grief is. It varies. I have had exacerbations and remissions. I have had plateaus and deep valleys. I don't know that this is a wound that will ever close without some form of festering infection below the surface just waiting for the right time to reoccur.  Even when and if it heals, at best it will be left scarred, changed, and prone to injury easier than before.
 

 

 

 
Lots and lots of orbs in the backyard!
 
Easter 2012

 

 

 
Christmas 2011
Christmas 2011...miss you...
 
Your rock and penny garden....
I love you Sara...
 

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