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Memorial created 03-22-2009 by
Robin Hudson
Tyler Hudson
January 22 1990 - March 29 2008

Tyler's favorite picture


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  1 second without you is way too long!!  Miss you sonshine with every breath I take!!

A truly beautiful soul that left this earth way too soon!! 
Matthew "Tyler" Hudson, 18, left us on Saturday March 29, 2008. Born January 22, 1990 in Anaheim, CA. He was born across the street from Disneyland.  He was born to be a great actor and that is exactly what he was.  He was an amazing child.  He did commercials and modeled.  But his greatest achievements came from performing on stage.  He was the lead in Pinocchio and played various roles in the Christmas Carol.  He performed with the American Theater Company.  He was written up in the paper for his acting abilities.  In middle school he went on air with several radio stations across the nation to challenge kids to write letters to the troops.  Tyler was such a caring and awesome kid. 
He took up for the underdog and would stand up against the bullies but then 9/11 happened and he realized that the world was mean and cruel and felt one person could not make a difference...what he did not know is the strength that he possessed could have changed this world.  As he began to spiral down and get depressed he began to slowly isolate himself.  He was no longer the happy go lucky kid he was hurting deep inside it was as if he took on the weight of the world all by himself.
He graduated a year early from Memorial High School.  He was very proud of this and so were we.  In high school he ran on the cross county track team. I think he could run and get some of his frustrations out.  He once told me the best thing for him was being outside.  He said somehow that seemed to heal him just a little.  He was fortunate enough to climb a mountain and he even got to stay on a deserted island.  He fed wild deer by hand and got to hold a hummingbird.  He loved the outdoors and he loved animals.  He traveled across the country and he absolutely loved the beach.  Tyler was the beacon of light in this world and without him here my ship can no longer find the harbor but is lost at sea without his light.  He will always be our sonshine!!
My heart is truly broken I know that many times in life a person may say this but after losing a child and this being my only child I can truly say this is the worst pain that I have ever felt in my life!!  For me there is no pain that will ever be greater than this!!  My heart has truly broken and it is beyond repair!!  There is nothing in this world now that could hurt me anymore!!  My life stopped the day Tyler died and the world continues to go on but for me it has stopped!!
Found this song while watching a movie with my friend who has also lost a child....maybe this is the way our children felt...maybe now this is the way we are feeling!!

Miss you sonshine!!

Eversleep/Dreaming/Mourning (from 28 Days)

Loudon Wainwright

I'd rather be dreaming than living
Living's just too hard to do
It's chances, not choices
Noises, not voices
A day's just a thing to get through
Living's just too hard to do

I'd rather be dreaming than talking
There's nothing to hear or to say
With ears covered, mouth closed
The world is opposed
Nothing gets in or away
There's nothing to hear or to say

I'd rather be dreaming than thinking
Thoughts are small comfort to me

Dreams might be pretend
But at least dreams end
And I just can't stop thinking, ya see
Thoughts are small comfort to me

I'd rather be dreaming than sleeping
Just sleeping you're just as well dead
In dreams I can fly
In dreams I don't die
That's why I lie here in this bed
Just sleeping you're just as well dead

I'd rather be dreaming...... 


Chasing Death: Losing a Child to Suicide "You know that place between sleeping and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always think of you." J.M. Barrie



So peaceful


Save a Place for Me
By Matthew West
Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad, sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again

You know I bet it feels good
To have the weight of this world
Off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day
when I'm finally there with you

Save a place for me, Save a place for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon
Save a place for me, Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon

I have asked the questions why
But I guess the answers for another time
So instead I pray, with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here

Save a place for me, Save a place for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon
Save a place for me, Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon, I'll be there

I wanna live my life Just like you did
Make the most of my time Just like you did
And I want to make my home up in the sky
Just like you did Oh, but until I get there...
Until I get there...

Just save a place for me, Save a place for me
‘Cause I will be there soon
Save a place for me, Save a place for me
I’ll be there soon, I’ll be there soon
Don’t be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad

A smile of gold




Tyler's favorite book was the Outsiders and within that book there is the poem below.  

Nothing Gold Can Stay
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay.

Robert Frost





Flowers being carried for empty chair ceremony, Tyler had already graduated but was going to walk

Even though my son had many setbacks he was able to graduate a year early 2007.  However, his original graduating class 2008 decided to still honor him.  They had an empty chair for him, it was truly a blessing.  His friends wrote this poem to go on the page that they dedicated to him in the year book.  Thanks to the class of 2008 and especially his close friends!

Spring feels like December,
Because you’re not around,
And the clocks are ticking backwards
The sun is setting in the East
Your friends are in a quandary,
Because you’re not around,
So ironic, your advice we seek
When in this darkest hour
Our best memories are hurting,
Because you’re not around,
If only we could share them all
But it hurts too much right now
We’re remembering your heart,
Because you’re not around,
If you were we’d turn
For the tears are coming down
We’ll whisper to the wind,
Because you’re not around,
That we loved you
And always will
I can’t see your face
Or talk to my friend
So I’ll pray for a dream
Of the days when you were around

Snow at the creek the day of Tyler's 1st memorial




Tyler’s 1st year Memorial (March 29, 2009)
As we stand here with the snow lying on the ground, I feel as Tyler is showing us what Heaven looks like. If you look across the snow you see pristine areas, which are, untouched you see a glisten and you get a serene feeling as you look at the scene. I believe that he is telling all of us that we get a new beginning a fresh path in which to walk, a path in which no steps or tracks have been taken. I think that is what he wants for all of us now. He wants you to go on your way on this new path. As the snow fell yesterday, I could feel Tyler laughing saying look-see what I can get done! Do you see me mom? Do you see me lying in the snow making a snow angel? When it first started to snow I had never seen it rain snow it was falling so hard and fast, it was such a beautiful sight. 
Tyler touched so many lives he truly was an angel here on earth. I hope that everyone that was touched by Tyler will go and do something for someone else in need. Remember when you see one of your friends or even a stranger who looks as if they are feeling sad to go and try to cheer them up to be a friend in their time of need. I hope that you all get the chance to share Tyler’s story to make a difference in someone else’s life. Don’t let his light go out! Remember here on earth he fought like a warrior but this was not to be his battle! 
A story in which will show you how Tyler’s heart was so pure is when he was in the sixth grade I can remember being sound asleep one night and Tyler was always so quiet in the house. I felt this little tap on my shoulder when I opened my eyes he got so close to me face to face he said, “mom I’m sorry I lied to you” I said “what” he said “I can’t sleep because I lied to you.” I got up went back to his room tucked him in and told him “it would be alright and that it was ok.” It was just over some schoolwork but this was in sixth grade. How many of us here were in the sixth grade before we first lied to our parents? I am sure not many. 
As you leave here today I hope that your heart will be touched and open to the new path that Tyler has shown us today here in the snow.  Tyler fought so hard on his path in life but he wants all of us to know that now he has a new path a clean and pristine one and he wants all his friends to have a new path in life too. Just always remember he is never farther from you than the breath in which you are taking at this very moment.
Tyler we love and miss you sonshine!!

Memorial Collage

I borrowed this description of how my grief feels from a friend of mine who also lost her child.  

I was thinking this morning, as a nurse of course, that grief is like an open wound healing by what is called secondary intention. It is where the wound is left open and has to heal from the inside out or else it won't heal. Sometimes it becomes infected and that slows the progress.
Sometimes it closes and the inside is still not healed. You think it is....but, it really isn't and at some point it abscesses and spreads causing more problems than if it had been allowed to heal properly the first time. I thought this is how my grief is. It varies. I have had exacerbations and remissions. I have had plateaus and deep valleys. I don't know that this is a wound that will ever close
without some form of festering infection below the surface just waiting for the right time to reoccur. It's so painful.

Memorial Collage

A Letter To My Family and Friends

Thank you for not expecting too much from me this holiday season. It is another Christmas without my son, and I have all I can do coping with the “spirit” of the holiday on the radio, TV, in the newspapers and stores. I do not feel joyous, and trying to pretend this Christmas is going to be like the last one he was here will be impossible because I am still missing one.

Please allow me to talk about Tyler if I feel a need. Don’t be uncomfortable with my tears. My heart is breaking and the tears are a way of letting out my sadness.

I plan to do something special in memory of Tyler. Please recognize my need to do this in order to keep his memories alive. My fear is not that I’ll forget, but that you will!!

Please don’t criticize me if I do something that you don’t think is normal. I’m a different person now and it may take a long time before this different person reaches a point where I might feel ok with Tyler's death or if I ever will.

As I survive the stages of grief, I will need your patience and support, especially during these holiday times and the “Special” days throughout the year.

Thank you for not expecting too much from me this holiday season.

All poems and songs on this memorial are copyrighted!


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