Celebrating life stories...

Memories

 

This memorial is sponsored by:

Christopher & Andi

Memorial created 07-31-2008 by
Sandy Miller
Kaylynn Marie Miller
December 7 1995 - December 7 1995

My face is bruised from the tape they used & delivery

My sweet angel Kaylynn has found a Sponsor!!!  I could never thank them enough.  I am so glad I found this site and all these wonderful people.  I will never forget you Andi, Mom to angel Christopher Emery Zolan-Horner also here on VM, for sponsoring my sweet Kaylynn's memorial.  Now Kaylynn will never be forgot and will always be here for people to meet and remember her.  I will never forget your thoughtfulness and generosity Andi!!!

I have added the best pictures of my sweet angel Kaylynn.  I wish I had better ones but I am greatful I have what I do!!! 

This online memorial was created in loving memory of Kaylynn Miller, whose life story is told throughout this memorial website. Please sign Kaylynn's guest book and let us know you came to visit. We will remember Kaylynn forever. 

We found out I was expecting our first baby when I had bloodwork before I was suppose to have surgery on my ankle.  They called me and said they could not do the surgery because I was expecting.  My husband and I called his mom as this was there first grandchild.  Everyone was so excited.  Since this was my first I asked all my friends or people I knew that had children what doctor they liked where we lived.   I called them and a lot of them I could not get into for a month so I picked the one I could get into the quickest as I wanted to do everything right.  Boy should I have waited that month if I knew this doctor would end up so bad.

Everything was going good I never had to throw up just felt a little sick to my stomach sometimes but everything seemed good except I just felt like something was going to happen and everyone assured me that it was just because it was my first time.  When I went to the foot doctor for my follow up since I was not able to have the surgery he let me know that when I found a baby doctor make sure they check my sugar as it was high in there tests.  So I told the baby doctor that plus took them a copy and they did the test and said everything was fine.  But like I said I just felt something wasn't right.  I was never hungry I would have to force myself to eat.  The doctor just said it was morning sickness to just eat crackers.  I tried to tell him that I didn't feel sick I just was never hungry.  Things was going good then I had bloodwork done for what I don't remember.  But they lost the results and then supposedly found them.  Then the doctor called me and wanted to do a amnio I said no way.  He argued with me then he said fine ok we will repeat the bloodwork to make sure.  They did that and everything came back ok he said they didn't need to do it.  Then latter I was feeling uncomfortable when I would sit like a lot of pressure.  I called them and they said it was just because I was getting further along and I it was my first so I didn't know what to expect.  Boy now do I wish I would have gotten a different doctor or have known things wasn't right with this quack. 

Then on December 6th I just didn't feel right at work no symptoms but just felt tired and had a headache and back ache.  I called the doctor and they said that your back will hurt as you get bigger and further a long.  But I wasn't showing that much.  I got home from work if I remember around 5.  Sat down and ate supper that hubby had cooked.  He went to bed later and I started to notice that I had faint pains in my stomach that would come and go.  So I called the hospital since it was past time for my doctors to be open.  They said drink water and lay down.  SO I did that but as soon as I layed down it got very uncomfortable so I got back up.  I called my mom and she said go to the hospital.  SO I got my hubby up and he said this better not just be heartburn or something like that.  But boy did it get worse all the way there. 

I got to the hospital and told them what was going on.  They hooked me up to the stuff and found out I was having contractions and they was close but I don't remember how close.  They yelled at me why didn't you come in sooner.  I told them I had called and they told me to drink water and lay down.  I told them I had tried that.  But they said that I still should have come in sooner but the contractions wasn't like this until I drank the water.  They gave me a shot to try to stop the contractions.  They did this 3 times and they had finally stopped but then I think after a hour or so they started up again worse.  They said they could try one more thing but they needed my doctor to sign for it.  They said they had called him and he was on his way and that he only lived like 5 minutes away.  He did not show up until over a hour later and he said it was to late to give it to me and that they would have to deliver.  He didn't give her much chance to live.  He said that he had called a special hospital and talked the doctors into coming as they did not want to.  Of course now I don't believe that.  But they came and we waited for my mom to come.  I don't remember if his parents came at this time or not.  I delivered her and the special doctors were working on her.  That is when we found out it was a girl.  They asked us if we had a name picked out.  My husband wanted Anna Marie because he had a friend that had a daughter with that name and he liked it but my mom had helped me think of a name using my middle name.  I asked my husband what do you want to call her and he said he didn't care so I picked Kaylynn Marie.  Later did I find out he also wanted Anna Marie because she would have had the same initials as him.  They put a tube in her belly to give her stuff and a breathing tube in her mouth.  I could see her kicking and she grabbed a nurses finger.  I felt bad because the pain of labor had gotten so bad they gave me demerol and I kept saying would it hurt the baby and the doctor said that it didn't matter anyways.  Boy I wish I was with it and would have smacked or kicked him now.  They let me hold her for a little while and I wish I could have held her longer but wouldn't you know it after in labor all night and all the IV's I had to use the bathroom so bad.  I let them take her.  She also had to leave and go to another special hospital since she was so small 1 lb 1 oz  they said I could not go with her as there was only room for her and all the doctors.  Dad got to kiss her goodbye and they told him that latter they would probably need some of his blood.  That when I was able to leave the hospital we could stay in a Ronald McDonald house near them.  They told me they would call when they got there.  I wanted to leave so bad but they said I could tomorrow.  They got me in a room and they called and said they had made it and she was holding her own and that I could call back in a couple of hours.  So I don't remember how long it was but I think a hour I couldn't wait I just wanted to call so I did and that is when I found out it was not good.  They was working on her and they said she wasn't going to make it.  I dont' remember what else they said I think I was in shock and just handed the phone to my mom who had stayed while my husband went home to get some sleep.  I think my mom said they gave her blood and they just could not get her oxygen level up and they was doing cpr and they said there has already been damage done.  So she hung up and I don't remember how long it was but they called back and said she had passed which killed me because I was not with her.  I could have been there and held her and let her pass in my arms not all by herself with out any family by her side!!!  They asked me if I wanted a autopsy and I said no I just couldn't think of her being cut up. I asked if I had to and they said they did not see a reason why she was just to small and lungs not developed enough.  But she was a fighter I had her 6 months in my belly and she fought for 6 hours to try to stay with us.  They asked me if I wanted her brought back to me and of course I said yes.  I called everyone to have them come and everyone was there when the brought her back to me.  They said they had baptised her and gave me a little packet of stuff they had a roll of film that I would have to get developed (which I did and they was not very good pictures) they also had 2 instant pictures in there where she had already passed and was laying there naked.  They had took they put her feet print in a little keepsake heart.  They had her wrapped in a pink blanket and a crocheted hat.  All I could do when they first handed her to me was hold her to me and sob.  I wished I could just give her my life and she would be ok.  I held her and held her tiny hand.  Then my husband held her and my mom and dad, his mom and dad and my youngest sister too.  I don't know why but I didn't have my little brother hold I just asked him if he wanted to see her.  I think he was only 8 or 9 thou.  My family left and his mom and dad stayed a little while.  They came and took her so they could take the hospital baby picture.  They asked me if I wanted the close she had on and at first I said no because then she wouldn't have anything on.  My husband started to say yes we would want them when they said they would make sure she had something on.  My mother and father in law stepped out for a little while and an nurse came in and had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to donate my baby's body to a local hospital so they could learn stuff.  Of course I said no.  Then my father and mother in law came back in and I told them.  He said I had already told them and her that we was going to have a funeral so I would not have to do that they was so mad at her.  I held her the next day before they let me go.  She looked so perfect!!!  She looked like me and her daddy.  She looked like she was sleeping except the little bruise across her lip from the tape that held the breathing tube.  Oh how I wish I would have or someone would have brought a camera and we could have took pictures of us holding her.  I only have the one good picture that the hospital did take but her head was to one side so I don't have a full face picture except the ones the hospital took with the instant camera that she looks so dark in it because she had just passed. 

 

Mommy made for me

For some reason when my family would call and tell my mom and dad they was sorry for there loss and said they was going to come to the funeral my mom said no that I didn't want a lot a people there.  Which I had not said.  But then I found out my mother and father in law was having everyone even some of just there friends coming.  I wanted some of my family there.  So I called my Aunt and Uncle and got them to come but a lot of others couldn't make it at the last minute.  I brought my camera and no one would take the pictures for me so I did it and wouldn't you know it my camera kept messing up.  So we tried new batteries and film and still it wasn't working right so I got some pictures of her in her little white casket which was all the funeral home had beside what looked like a styrofoam cooler.  The funeral home was so nice they had called me up after they went and picked her up and wanted to know if I had clothes for her.  I didn't even think of it as the hospital said she would not be naked.  I said I would have to go shopping.  The lady said don't I will do it.  But then after I was talking to my mom I said what if I don't like what she picks out.  SO Mom went down and she showed her what she had planned on putting on her.  Mom said I would like it that it was a pritty pink sleeper that she was going to make into a dress that had bears on the front and a pink blanket.  I had a picture of my husband and I that I put with her and my mom had bought me 2 little bears to put beside her and one little one for her to look like she was holding.  We had the service at the church we got married at.  They brought her in and mom say Oh look she changed the pink blanket to one that had bears all over it.  They had made the sleeper into a dress and a pink bonnett and little pink slippers on her.  She was so cute.  Only thing was which they had told us is that she would look a little dark since they do not do anything to babies to prepare them.  The service was a blur to me.  The cemetery we picked near us didn't have a baby section which was ok because we had decided to get plots to so she would always be by us.  And a couple of years ago Great Grandpa Vanderbush joined her behind her.

 

Later after all this was done I recieved a call from the hospital that tried to save her and they had blood work back.  They said she was very sick she had ecolli bacteria.  That she was such a fighter that maybe if she didn't have that she could have made it but would probably had many things wrong because of the prematurety and her oxygen level.  I also found out when I was pregnant with her baby brother.  That when they looked at her records that my sugar was way to high and that probably caused the early delivery and maybe the bacteria.  I had the gestatinal diabetis so bad with her brother at 2 months along that I had to be on insulin 3 times a day.  Then I developed the toxima on top of that and was on bedrest until they induced me 2 months early.  He had to have IV's and stuff to bring him around.  We could have lost him too.  SO we have never had anymore even though I would have liked to.  Her baby brother is 11 now and has been a black belt in Tae Kwon Do for a year now and will be going for his 2nd degree blackbelt next year.  He knows his older sister is his angel and is watching over him.  He would when he was little and just able to talk and before we had told him about her.  Would say sissy was in his room and there was a little cement sleepy baby bear I painted for her and never told him what it was for and of course he couldn't read at 1 or 2 he would point to it and say her name.

We love you and think of you always!!!  You will never be foregotten!!!  I Love you sweet heart!!!

MOM, DAD and little brother ALEX

 

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